On my local Facebook group a few weeks ago, I spotted a picture of several plastic Little Tikes toys that were being given away. When I saw the adorable pastel painted playhouse, I responded immediately because I’m a sucker for free stuff, especially the kind that with a little “fixer upper” Pinterest magic found in the form of spray paint, could take that playhouse to a whole new level of “just precious.” (How that project is progressing is fodder for another day.) Several climbing structures with slides were also available, and, high on the idea of a project to fill my Covid-19 days, I grabbed two. Sitting alongside the playhouse and multi-colored jungle gyms, a lone, yellow teeter totter tempted, but mustering all the self control I had left, I left it for another lucky grandma to scoop up.

When I was a kid, the teeter totters we played on were big, long slabs of wood or even, wait for it…. metal. Some had the added feature of resting on fulcrums that allowed you to spin, launching you up, then down in dizzying circles. Both types drew me to them, not necessarily for the ride, but for the various feelings that were evoked depending on where you landed during that ride, and to me, the teeter totter offered three choices. When I was down, crouched, knees to chest, I felt dominant and in control. When I was up, vulnerable, legs dangling in space, I questioned my fate. Would I be eased down gently or dropped from my perch violently, needing to quickly gather in my legs like a spring to cushion my landing? Or would my partner in this teeter totter dance meet me in the middle, waiting on tippy toes, shifting back and forth in our seats searching for equilibrium? If we were successful and attained balance, I wondered who would blink first and launch the other up or send them crashing down?

To me, teeter totters were mini tests of social dynamics and physics. I was a very skinny kid, which allowed others to use their weight to keep me hanging high in the air for as long as anyone wished. But I was also somewhat fearless, had very little tolerance for petty nonsense, was pretty smart and fairly athletic (stop laughing) and thus, I managed to find ways to make those particular teeter totter experiences less satisfying for my counterpart. If I was sent flying into the air, I would incorporate some cheerleading moves and fly. Holding on to the metal handle for dear life, I’d straighten my legs into a strong “V” and literally lift myself off of the seat, making it look as though I was performing some terrifying trick. After receiving a few “oooh’s” and “ahhhhhh’s,” from the peanut gallery on the ground I was inevitably and unceremoniously brought back to terra firma. I also learned that if I could move back far enough on the seat, and bounce and wiggle a bit, I could gain just enough leverage to stop someone from holding me hostage mid air for too long. Based on my antics, some people decided they wanted to ride with me to see what I would do. The most fun was trying to work out how two unequally weighted objects could find middle ground because it was in that perfect equilibrium, where both of us delighted in seeing the other’s legs dangling at exactly the same height as our own, that we felt the most satisfied and happy. We were equal.

That little yellow teeter totter triggered memories of childhood play, but also became a representation of my frustration lately with what is happening in the world. Metaphorically, I see little yellow teeter totters everywhere. Unfortunately they are all positioned in opposition; one is held high, while another remains low, neither willing to undertake the work necessary to shoot for the sweet spot of perfect balance. Granted, it’s not always easy to get there and an unspoken understanding has to take place where both parties must agree that trial and error, cooperation and communication will be necessary to be successful. They have to remember that the best experiences aren’t found in the up and down rides, rather they are found in the middle, and in that almost magical way that opposing ends find just the perfect position which allows them to float in that moment of sameness.

Today, I feel as though cooperation and communication are tools we’ve left to rust due to abuse and disuse. More interested in extreme and violent games of up and down, we are either slamming someone to the ground or launching another violently into the air. Left aloft, shimmying back and forth in the seat, we await the drop, never knowing how or when it will happen, and so, we grow fearful and anxious, then angry and hurt. Or, sitting, dug into the ground, pressing down and holding another hostage, we joyfully watch apprehension grow, while feeling powerful and righteous. In choosing to give way, we also decide which part of ourselves to honor. Do we relent in a way that will cause damage or ease pain or do we dare pause for a moment of reflection and conversation in the middle?

We are a nation of extreme teeter totter riders right now. We are either completely locked down in quarantine fearing for our lives and the lives of others or we are partying in large groups, forgetting what March looked and felt like as if it happened a century ago. We are either left or right, black or white, Democrats or Republicans, rich or poor, racists or white supremists, straight or gay, capitalists or socialists, wrong or right. There seems to be very little interest in finding the middle as we are all too self-satisfied and gratified and having too much fun labeling and blaming. So we choose to do and say nothing; fearing that our deeds and words will be misconstrued, or that regardless, of what we say or do, someone will find a way to launch an attack. When there is no middle ground, no consensus and no interest in compromise, we become like statues; locked into our position and unwilling to change. Today, we are sad, little yellow teeter totters in need of some TLC, forced to function with no middle spot in which to rest, reflect, look each other in the eye, laugh and feel our toes hovering above the ground, weightless.

Damn, I wish I’d grabbed that little yellow teeter totter. With a little TLC, it would be Pinterest worthy by now and in the yard where I could have shown my granddaughter all about the joy of what happens between the highs and lows in that sweet spot of hard earned, agreed upon common ground.

Anyone up for a teeter totter ride?