Love in the time of CoVid, at every stage of life, and for every relationship is being challenged. Hoping to protect our most vulnerable, our loved ones are being kept at a distance and we ache for touch and for human physical interaction. We miss each other. Or…if quarantining together, loved ones are a little too close for comfort, straining under the stress of spending every minute of every day together, with no escape. Our patience finds limits yet our stress seems limitless. Old, comfortable relationships hope there is still enough there to endure, and new, fresh, love forced into a rushed intimacy wonders if it can outlast a pandemic. In my corner of the world, like other families, we find ourselves in new territory.

My adult children are all in different phases of relationships in their lives. My oldest son is married and has a two year old daughter with another child on the way. He and his wife, Meghan, are in what I call the “juggling ten things at once parental love” stage. Their attention is focused on their daughter, Cora, and the fierce emotions that come with being a parent for the first time. They have come to understand that life isn’t about grand weddings and exotic honeymoons. They have discovered car payments and mortgages, and that sacrificing a weekend in NYC for much needed tree removal services is the right decision. For them, love in the time of CoVid is about the gift of time. Both Zach and Meghan work full-time and when that life blew up about a month ago, bonds they all already had are being strengthened by this unanticipated gift of time together. They’ve been able to press pause on “juggling ten things at once parental love” as a lot of life’s outside distractions have been minimized. For them, love in the time of CoVid is like the unexpected gift you never knew you needed or wanted yet changes your life.

For my daughter, Allison, and her boyfriend, Ryan, love in the time of CoVid is merely a different horse, same rodeo, as their nearly four year long relationship seems to be based on that, “against all odds” kind of love. Merely a few weeks into their relationship, Ryan asked Allison to join her on a three month trip to Southeast Asia that she had planned months before. Under stressors that traveling for four months through seven countries could trigger, like extreme heat, diarrhea, survival treks, motorcycle breakdowns, mosquito bites, sunburn and riding on buses with chickens, they came home together stronger than ever. Their “against all odds” love in the time of CoVid  is more of the same as they can handle just about anything that comes their way.

My youngest, Luke, and his girlfriend, Meredith are a couple in what I call “back to school shoes” love, that head-rushing, knee-weakening, early stages of love, when, like April, from the earth springs hope and beauty, nature turning all the gray, white and brown around us into vibrant shades of yellow, purple, pink and green. It’s like the first day of school when anything feels possible as you slip on your back-to-school shoes.  Then, into their rapturous adventure, an unwelcome guest in the form of a made for TV movie virus reared its head, disrupting life as we knew it, and forcing decisions about their relationship that may not have come until after the first big fight, or meeting the parents. Instead, unable to imagine spending the next 2,4,8,16 weeks apart, cohabitation, perhaps in normal times, months or years away, began NOW. Love in the time of CoVid accelerates “back-to-school-shoes” love, launching it like a rocket to a discovery of intimacies usually revealed much later and at a much slower rate. There is no walking away or ghosting, or hiding. Hopefully, it lands gracefully into a safe and lovely place, with great anticipation of what comes next.

My husband and I have not slept in the same bed since February 28th. After reporting that he was “dying,” his typical description for what I, and most women, recognize as the  “the man cold,” I decamped to the guest room, preferring not to get sick, or to have to listen to him suffer. Giddy with excitement at the prospect of a snore-free, restful sleep in a bed all to myself, I grabbed my kindle and got cozy. Today, I awoke in that very same bed, still giddy.

When it was safe for me to head back to the master bedroom, to a bed I’ve shared with my husband for the last thirty-four years, I still chose to turn left at the top of the stairs because I knew in this together every second of every day world, a little respite for a few hours wasn’t such a big deal. We know each other well enough that, without a lot of words, we conveyed that for now, this arrangement was fine. We also know that the left turn at the top of the stairs will end eventually. Enduring love shows us that someone understands you and loves you in a way as comfortable as a well-worn slipper.   

Our enduring, “well-worn slipper” love transforms the stress and fear of the unknown into something we can manage together. Love in the time of CoVid has shown us that steadfastness is underrated, and recognizes that not everything needs to be spoken to be known. Old love deepens partnerships, even while acknowledging the need for separation. 

Love in the time of CoVid has been strengthened, tested, undone and redefined. It’s crossed global borders, wept at the entrances of hospitals and been in the eyes of those who deliver our pizzas Friday nights. It’s in zoom chats between grandchildren and grandparents, it’s through windows of nursing homes and in teachers’ lessons online. As for love in my little corner of the world, I pray that my kids will come out of this finding in the days and years to come, a comfortable, enduring love that will be there for them regardless of what life throws at them. You know, like well-worn slippers.