The College Prep And Pack: Girls V. Boys
Although it's not scientific, does not apply in EVERY instance, and is probably politically incorrect, if you are ever looking for evidence of gender difference, look no further than the college prep and pack. All one needs to do is study the looks on the faces of "the welcoming committee" at any college when a van load of girl's stuff pulls up compared to when a boy's drives into the same space. My kids have all graduated college, but, foolishly, I found myself shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond for curtain rods this week, where I was reminded in a rather inconvenient long lines at checkout kind of way, that the college prep and pack was in full swing. I smiled, noticing that the moms with only one cart, moving rapidly through the store, had sons sulking on their phones while shaking their heads "no" at every item held up for review, and the ones juggling multiple overflowing carts, had girls engaged and alert to all things shiny and new.
I remember when my son, the last of mine to go to college, granted me about two hours (and most of that time was used in transportation to and from the store) to get him prepared. He claimed that the only thing he needed was a comforter and that he could take all the other stuff he needed from home and didn't need to shop. He figured once we replaced that, he was done with college prepping and with me. He bucked every offer of assistance and looked ready to strangle me whenever I began a sentence with, "Did you remember” or “Do you have.” I felt cheated. All of my friends were out purchasing lots of stuff, making lists, and checking them twice. They were stuffing, wrapping, and packing things and strategizing the best use of the cargo space of voluminous SUV's. But then, I remembered they had girls! I thought back a few years, and smiled recalling how different things were when we took my daughter. How soon I'd forgotten.
So just how different was the college prep and pack different for at least, my boys and girl? These were the glaring differences I noticed:
1. The room "theme:" If you've got girls, this theme has been discussed with the future roommate in about eighty texts or emails over a three month period. What is the color scheme? Towels? Comforters? Cute strings of lights? Wall art? If you've got boys, there is no discussion. When walking through Walmart with my son, I asked, "Hey, why don't you check with the roommate to see what color his bedding is?" My son's response? "What? No. Who cares? It doesn't matter. Just pick one." He grabbed a bed-in-a-bag set and said, "Here, this is good. I pleaded, “How about a rug? "Nah."
2. What She Needs V. What He Needs: If you have a girl, she needs everything. A shower caddy? Absolutely, and it must match her towels. A desk lamp? Of course, and one of those colorful ones with a pretty shade is preferable. Under bed storage bins? Of course, where will all my extra food go? Bed skirt? Well, duh, I need to hide all that stuff under the bed! Coffee maker? She looks at me like I’m some imbecile. Shoe caddy? How else am I supposed to fit 32 pairs of them? Vacuum? Absolutely. Popcorn popper? It's not college without one. Colorful rug? Yes, please, and make it soft and fluffy. Decorative calendar? Whiteboard? Message board for outside of door? The answer to all of these questions is yes, yes, yes and more yes. The prettier the better, the more the merrier. If you have a boy, you are met by stares, shrugged shoulders and “I don't need that. What for? Seriously, mom?! No.” Here's what boys need: (or at least my boys)
A. A TV, with hookups for PlayStation or other game console. Games in some type of plastic container.
B. More cables for more crap than you can imagine and a power strip for all of it.
C. Good headphones and a docking station/charger.
D. Smart Phone and charger and another charger and another charger.
E. 2 pairs khakis, 10 t-shirts, 10 underwear, 2 shorts, 2 collared shirts, bathing suit, 1 pair flip flops, 1 pair Sperry or other type of dress shoe, (seriously, this is their idea of a dress shoe), 2 pairs sneakers, 100 pairs of socks.(They will somehow only retain 5 pairs by the end of the year.)
F. 1 pillow, 1 comforter, 1 set of sheets, 1 blanket, 1 mattress pad (DO NOT FORGET THIS ITEM). They have no idea what a bedskirt is and when told, refuse immediately and assertively.
G. Deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo (doesn't care what kind), bar of soap. Yep, that's it for personal hygiene.
H. Lax gear, (or whatever sport gear your kid needs) snowboard, skateboard, longboard, bottle opener, Swiss army knife. Another charger. Tile mate 4 pack locater....(seriously, there are only so many times AAA will come make a new set of keys.)
Done...Really. He is good to go.
3. Doomsday Preppers V. Survivorman: Girls plan. They lay things out, they make lists, they check off lists. They organize, schedule and coordinate. They want to have everything they think they need for the end of the world right from the beginning. They have a designated staging area in your house; most likely, your dining room. Like doomsday preppers, there is almost a competitive aspect to their packing. If they can manage to think of the one really awesome thing that their roommate/competing prepper forgot, they gain extra awesome roommate points somehow. "OMG, look, she remembered the bed risers! Isn't she amazing. It's going to change our lives here." Girls are doomsday preppers, boys are minimalists. They shove stuff into cars using Hefty bags and crates. They figure whatever they don't have they will go buy at some point. As told to me more than once, "Mom, if I need something, I'll go get it. It's not like Walmart isn't right there." If it doesn't have an explicit purpose, they have no interest. Boys are "Survivormen." To be fair, they are right. Have you seen guys' dorm rooms? They don't need bed risers because they build lofts that are totally illegal and they put up ten feet tall Christmas trees using contraband decorations. One way or another, they get what they need and it ends up to be pretty awesome.
4. Level Of Pre-Communication With Roommates: Again, girls are all on board with talking, talking and talking some more to get ready. "I'm bringing the TV and Katie's getting the rug." "I'm getting the mini fridge, and Monica's getting the microwave." I don't know about you, but somehow I always ended up with the big-ticket items. My kid always got the TV and microwave, while new roomie, Sally brought the popcorn popper. All of these discussions are planned out in advance and everyone is aware of her duties. For boys, whatever happens, happens. "Mom, I'll just bring it. So what if we have two? If we need a rug, we'll get one. Mom, seriously, don't worry about it. Worst case, I'll just leave my mini fridge in my car." (This was an actual conversation.) While there is something about this attitude I find admirable, truth be told, I'm horrified. There is no pre-planning or discussion of responsibilities. They will deal with it as it comes. I can't tell you how crazy this makes me. I would put money on the fact that they end up with 5 TV's, 5 mini fridges, several rugs, a bunch of kitchen appliances and more than a couple of shower curtains. I wonder if anyone will remember bed risers, or they'll just build themselves that awesome loft? Whatever happens, just understand that for boys, at the end of the year it all ends up in some storage facility never to be seen again. It's where all futons go to die.
5. Degree Of "Meeting The Roommate Anxiety:" Every kid is anxious about meeting his or her roommate for the first time and learning to live with a stranger. What I've noticed, though, is that the expectations that girls have about their relationships with their future roommate are different than it is for boys. From my experience as a woman, and of having sons and a daughter, I think female relationships have more complex rules and nuances than boys'. These differences in expectations lead to more or less anxiety.For example, one year, because of a housing shortage, my son and his friends were all split up and he was going back to school to four roommates he'd never met. When he found out, his response was, "We'll all just meet, shake hands and that's it. It's going to be fine; we will do it just like freshman year." I couldn't believe his reaction. I was apoplectic, preparing to call the school, to fight the fight, to make sure that he got to be with at least one person he knew. I reacted that way because I know if that were me, I'd have been out of my mind and would have called about 800 times trying to change my housing. He never suggested anything of the sort. He just went with it. Unimaginable.Girls need to gather as much information as humanly possible about their future roommates. They need to assess similarities and evaluate differences. They expect that their roommates will be their new best friends. Guys don't. They simply want to be able to stand each other in a living situation. Things like flushing or not flushing of toilets doesn't matter to them. Sloppy or neat, music choices, noise level etc. just don't seem to be all that worrisome. Compatibility is the expectation for boys. Friendship is a bonus. Girls are looking to make lifelong bestie friendships.
Of course all of this is subjective, anecdotal and makes vast generalizations. However, that look on the “welcome crews’ faces is real, and I’m venturing to guess it comes from lots of experiential data and multiple trips up and down non-air conditioned dorm stairs. But, one thing is true: whether you are sending a boy or a girl off to school it's an emotional and exciting time; one that none of you will soon forget. So, good luck to all of you as you send your babies; boys or girls off to college. Be sure to wave to each other on the highways. The ones dragging or driving U-Hauls will, of course, be moving lovely daughters, and when you come across an SUV with a family of four and two dogs comfortably seated, I'd bet my life, the college bound kid is a boy. The real proof will come when you pull into the school and see the faces of your welcoming committee. Enjoy! And good luck to all the Doomsday Preppers and Survivormen!